Oklahoma Stories

Caught in the middle

By Pamela A. Keene May 2025

Balancing the needs of aging parents and growing children is a reality for many, but caregivers don’t have to go it alone

Chances are you know someone who consistently provides care for a family member. Perhaps that’s you? Either way, you’re not alone.

If you’re a caregiver, it’s also very possible you’re a member of the “sandwich generation” — people who balance their time between caring for a spouse or child, as well as for a parent.

Statistics tell the tale. By 2034, the U.S. Census Bureau projects that the number of adults aged 65 and older will surpass the population of children. In its 12th Annual Workplace Benefits Study from 2023, Guardian Mutual Insurance Company reports that 53 million U.S. adults care for a spouse, elderly parent or relative or a child with a disability. That’s up from 43.5 million in 2015.

As people live longer and the population ages, the number of adults in the sandwich generation also has risen significantly. A Pew Research Center study conducted in late 2021 found that adults in their 40s and 50s are most likely to have a child younger than 18 still living at home, as well as a parent aged 65 or older.

“Being a caregiver — whether for a child with
disabilities or an older adult — may present challenges in adapting or finding resources,” says Greg Link, director of supportive and caregiver services with the U.S. Administration on Aging. “When you are both caring for an older adult family member with medical or health issues and a child with disabilities, the dynamic shifts, and often the caregiving responsibility falls to one family member, often women.”

Every situation is different just as every family is different. However, having open and candid discussions, particularly long before they are necessary, will help manage expectations, help define responsibilities within the family and give maximum consideration to the person who needs the care.

The biggest challenge is lack of preparedness when a family seems to be caught unaware, most often when one family member may notice a decline in the parent but is hesitant to bring it into the open.

Link says it’s important for each family member to realize the process will take compromise and negotiation to have a truly workable situation. Those solutions will vary, particularly with the need to care for a parent or older family member.

“For instance, a possible division of shared
responsibilities in caring for a parent, would be for one sibling to take the lead in the health care/medical considerations and another to be the main contact for financial issues,” he says. “Of course, just because one or two family members agree to step up, the rest of the family can certainly stay involved.”

Who Cares for the Caregiver?

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), on average, family caregivers spend more than 57 hours each week caring for someone who is disabled or living with limitations. That’s more than eight hours a day. These duties are in addition to work and other responsibilites, so it’s easy to see why many caregivers can feel overwhelmed.

“Caregivers often forget about themselves and their own needs, especially if they don’t have a supportive and engaged network — including family — who check in with the caregiver regularly and can be available to help,” Link says. “More often than not, when the caregiver is doing a good job, people don’t volunteer to help.”

“In reality, it’s usually up to the caregiver to ask for help and support to be able to maintain their own balance between caregiving duties, work and life demands. And this can be difficult. Just by the nature of a
caregiver personality, sometimes it’s just easier to stay steadfast and handle everything, but this can lead to burnout, exhaustion or worse.”

Link encourages families to help each other. He says to be specific and start with simple tasks, such as preparing a meal and sharing it with the family, the person receiving care and the caregiver. It will encourage conversation and quality time.

“The important thing for caregivers is knowing when to ask for help, and to be specific. As the caregiver, identify a need for yourself,” Link says. “As the caregiver, do you need some regular time each week to attend to personal matters? Or perhaps having a weekend away to refresh and recharge? It’s much easier to enlist help when the need is specific.”

For instance, ask other family members to help with meal preparation once a week. From giving the caregiver time out of the kitchen, it provides an opportunity for other family members to visit with their loved one and the caregiver while being involved in helping.”

Respite takes many forms — taking a break for a few hours, a few days or several weeks, bringing in a professional or trained aid to assist with care, asking a family member to prepare a meal and stay to enjoy it and move more — and the options for how to spend this time are diverse.

The National Respite Network, archrespite.org, can connect caregivers to organizations in every state that provide access to respite services. This may include temporarily hiring and paying for a professional caregiver or finding health care options. It offers specific steps to identifying the type of respite that is best for the primary caregiver.

A number of local, regional and national organizations offer information and support for caregivers, as well as providing help for the person being cared for. Area Agencies on Aging, local departments of human or social services, area Easter Seals organizations and the CDC are ideal places to start.

“The reality is that caregiving will touch many of us in some way, and its best to be prepared, do some initial research about the availability of resources, and talk – at least in general terms – about how your family can be ready to provide the utmost care and support for your loved ones.”